Model: Mithila Haque Lopa & Md. Emdadul Haque Babul Photo: Tareq Iqbal Piyal
You will regret in the long run if you don't study engineering. Mark my words!-just these few words of his father's are rambling rapidly through Shubho's head since last two days. Once again he looked at the admission form, as if it has the answer to everything. All through the life he only dreamt about studying fine arts, sadly, which is not one of those fancy corporate career everyone desires for. At one side his family's urge, on the other side his own satisfaction-all these just put him in between the devil and deep blue sea. Shubho gropes for the source since when painting becomes his everything. He was never into painting, used to fail in drawing in every term final. Thus his mother forcibly admits him in drawing school. Shubho still remembers how he used nag about not attending drawing classes. It is said love happens unnoticeably, right? That's what happens in his case too. He didn't realize when painting becomes his part of passion. Though, he didn't need drawing after school, he couldn't resist embracing his passion more tightly. Family members considered it as a pastime, therefore, no one ever intruded. Now that it's the time to cherry-pick between passion and career-his heart is swinging like a heavy pendulum. What to do when your and your parent's dream don't align in the same direction? Everyone advocates to listening to heart, what if heart itself is confused?
This is a common screenplay of any family in Bangladesh. Almost every student is thrown on the admission battle-field-giving rise to inner torment in ownself and family. Just within a blink of an eye, the sweet relation becomes sour between parents and child. It's quite natural that mentalities don't match, eventually, one side has to drop the gun down. In most of the cases, the defeated side is child itself. The best well wisher becomes the manslyer just like that. There's an estimation of physical death, unfortunately, no one cares about mental death. To keep alive parent's dream, no idea when the child becomes dead inside. May be, after 20 years with a high powered glass on nose and little grandchild on lap, the depression will come out. There will be no turning point there then, right?
Children are the dearest thing to parents. Then how come they slaughter their dreams just like that? What are the reasons? No parents want anything bad for their children, it's just that they want to emplace the best for their children. That's where mentality clashes. Not always dreams can afford reality; therefore, parents take the decision by their own intellect and experience. They are not to be solely blamed for this. A versatile and liberal job sector is not yet established in this country, thereafter, parents just try to fix the future for their child. Thinking about children's future is not a crime right? May be they do not have the slightest idea when they are killing children's dream in the name of a secured future and so called societal status. Who is to blame here?
Assuredly, a HSC pass student doesn't always have the intellect to choose what is best for him. Sometimes they divert their dreams according to their peers, or sometimes just go with the flow. Still, there are students who know what they want to be, what their passion is. Therefore, it is best to level up the odds-compromising a little bit from both ends-giving thoughts to every perspective without being too rational or sentimental. Parents should not always ignore their child's wish thinking it's illegitimate-crowning their heads with societal demands. Even if their wish doesn't fit in the rational model, at least hearing those out can make them feel important. A friendly conversation can cure so many things. Students should be more coherent too-giving thought again and again-keeping that in mind parents are the last person on earth to afflict their feelings. Still, if passion means everything, student should go for it, because even if success doesn't lie behind it, gratification will. Parents will eventually embrace their child's wish at the end of the day. What each side can do is to make a reasonable conversation so that no side feels less valued.
Rabindranath Tagore once said, "There's nothing more disconcerting than holding rights to someone's life when it's no longer yours". This goes perfectly for Bangladeshi parents. They should realize, this is the age of being an adult and they can't keep interfering in children's life like that. Moreover, if your child makes decisions and stick to it, you should be prideful for it. There's nothing wrong in taking the road less traveled by. May be, as Robert Frost mentioned, it will make all the difference. Espouse your child's decision; maybe he will create his own orbit. Do not expect him to play according to your chord; it will not be soothing composition. Be the light of his path, not the rock. That's when you will transit to parents from the guardian.
The writer is schooling with BRAC University. She can be reached at email@example.com