Love is the best thing in the world. It makes literally everything better. Food tastes better, the sun shines brighter, and even the cold feels a little less harsh. But when it comes to finding true love, it's the hardest thing in the world. It doesn't knock often and when it does most people are too afraid to even open the door. There's a reason the saying 'crazy in love' exists and it's not just because of Beyonce. It has that ability to drive you nuts and take you from a completely rational you to someone who is out of their mind in a blissed-out way. The only thing harder than waiting for love to find you, though, is going out and actively searching for it. That's not how love works so instead of looking for love in all the wrong places, live for you and the love will come.
You'll find yourself: When you live for yourself instead of living for love, you'll be able to really find yourself in a way that you can only do when you're completely alone. You'll find out who you truly are and you'll be able to be your authentic self no matter what. This comes into play when it comes to finding love in the sense that you'll never lose yourself while in love ever again. It's so easy to become someone entirely different in a relationship and it's never a good thing. It doesn't help you keep love any better. In fact, that's one of the easiest ways to lose it if you can manage to find it. Being true to yourself is important when it comes to being able to love another person so instead of looking for someone to love, find yourself first which brings me to my next point.
Love yourself first: The only person in the world that needs your love as much as you do, is you. Without truly loving yourself, how can you expect to love another? It's said time and time again to those looking for love and it's for good reason. You have to know how to truly love another person and the best person to start out with is you. That way, not only will you learn how to love, you'll also learn the type of love you're willing to accept and the type of love you won't put up with. It's important to know your worth and what you truly deserve before going out and looking for love. If you exude that confidence of a person who is truly happy with themselves, it will find you without you having to do anything at all.
You'll be able to know what exactly you're looking for: If you get to know yourself in such a way, you'll know what kind of love you're looking for and you won't settle for less. You'll know what your future partner should have and should be like. This has nothing to do with credentials or looks, either, but more so in the way of how they will treat you. You'll know that you aren't looking for someone who disrespects you or someone that will fight just for the sake of break-up sex. When you know exactly what you want, finding love is that much easier because instead of looking for it in someone that doesn't have it, you'll find it in someone by accident.
It's too distracting to be looking for something so huge: Life altering things, such as love, aren't something you can just find. It usually shows up out of the blue and without warning. Looking for it is like looking for nothing in a haystack. Not to mention, if you're too busy fixated on finding love, you'll be distracted from all the wonderful things life has to offer. If you're not looking for love chances are you're hanging out with your friends, succeeding in your career and have a plethora of other things going on in your life. You can be happy with a full life and not yet have found love because it's only a matter of time if you keep yourself busy. If you don't, you'll let life pass you by while you're in wait. And that's not a good thing. It won't help it come any faster either. When you're out living for you, you'll have the chance to meet more like minded people than if you were to be sitting around surfing dating apps looking for your soulmate.
You can't force love: The thing about true love is that it's never forced. That's why looking for it is counterproductive. Only true love will find you when you're not trying to force it. This is because it's all about chemistry and that's something that just can't be recreated or turned on if it doesn't already exist there. If you live for yourself and let love find you, it will be the real deal because you won't have had time to overthink it or try and make something happen that just wasn't supposed to happen. It's something that you just have to put on the back burner and then before you even notice it happening, you'll be in love. It's just one of those types of things that the harder you look for it, the longer it will take for you to find. And if you do look for it too hard, you may end up with the wrong person altogether. You'll see someone a little better than they actually are because you get along as opposed to truly clicking with another person.
If you search for too long, you may become desperate: Desperation is something no woman wants to possess. It's not done on purpose either, but when the loneliness of singlehood hits, it's hard to avoid thinking and overthinking about the fact that you feel so lonely. But if you become desperate for love, you're not going to wind up finding true love at all. It's going to lower your standards and allow you to feel bad about yourself. When this happens, you end up with a guy who couldn't possibly respect you as much as you deserve. You'll get wrapped up in something toxic all because of your need to find love when you don't yet have it. There's nothing wrong with wanting love but you definitely won't ever find it if you become desperate for it.
You don't want to be in love with the idea of love: If you don't live for you while you're single, you'll end up becoming obsessed with the idea of love as opposed to actually wanting a real relationship with someone. You'll see every guy you meet as a potential partner without actually knowing why. The idea of love is great and all, but it skews what true love actually is. If you live for yourself love will come and it will be a realistic type of love that you can enjoy for the rest of your life if you're lucky. Living for yourself and allowing love to find you is the best possible route a person can take if that's what they want. If love is the end game, than live for you. it will happen eventually you just have to have faith. The writer is a lifestyle and fashion contributor at