You're crazy." "Stop talking." "You're stupid." "You don't deserve better." "Your feelings are dumb." Those are just some of the many things of what, in my opinion, manipulative, insecure and negative verbal abusers tell their significant others. Verbal abusers have probably gone through something bad, whether it be as a child or adult, that gives them such a negative outlook on life.
What you put out into the world is what you receive right back from it. Verbal abusers give so many bad vibes to people they associate with and in things they do. They may feel self-pity and hate themselves because that is the kind of energy they give to the world.
Then, when they get into a relationship, they will likely spread that on to their companion. The process starts off perfectly. They may show their best face and do whatever it takes to reel in their bait. Once they feel that their significant other is blinded by what they think is "love," that is when they may attempt to break them down.
They may suck away their spirit using many tactics. They may become controlling: "you can't wear this," "you can't talk to this person," "you can't go there," etc. They may manipulate the victim into believing that they are telling them what is best for them, when in reality they just want to control them like their personal puppet to feel a sense of importance.
Verbal abusers hate seeing others happy, especially their significant other. It kills them inside to see them succeeding, or doing anything that makes them happy. They may crush their hopes and dreams by repeating negative things to have their victim questioning every single thing they are doing.
They want to make sure that they feel above and better than their victim and create all kinds of different obstacles to keep them from becoming better. When asked why they say and do what they do, the answer may be because they care and want the best for them.
Once an abuser has broken down their victim, possibly causing them to stay away from friends, family and loved ones, stopping them from doing things (anything and everything), the victim may enter depression.
They may begin to hate themselves because they feel like they are in the wrong and deserve all the mishaps that happen to them. They may feel like they don't deserve better and just give up on life basically. They may feel as if their partner is the only person they have in the world and that everything they have been told by them is factual and right. They may believe that this is the kind of life they should be living and that any feeling questioning them is wrong.
I think that any person going through an abusive relationship, whether it verbally and/or physically, should rethink their relationship. They should get out of it immediately and tell someone as soon as possible. No one's feelings are ever wrong. There is no reason why anyone should ever feel sad day after day while being in a relationship. A relationship is supposed to build one up, not break them down. There are billions of fish in the sea, so never settle for the shark.
The author is a guest columnist for The Michigan Journal