Effects of divorce on children

In today's society, divorce has become a normal thing in our lives. Married couples today are getting a divorce due to many different reasons, either because a spouse having an affair, a loss of romantic feelings, conflicts in the marriage, and other types of problems. Most divorces have children that are really young and due to their age, they don't have any idea on how to deal with the type of situation.

Although, divorce really is not a good thing, sometimes it can be positive such as; children being happy, parents being happy, and allowing them to mature. Parents being separated can be better for the kids because then they do not have to deal with the parents fighting. If they are put in better and stable environments it can affect them in positive ways. Sometimes it is also better for the child if they have been in the environment of abuse, such as; parent, brother, sister, or themselves being abused. If parents are happy then more than likely the kids are happy, because the children look up to the parents. Better communication skills in the long run will help parents and children be more understanding with one another. Not many divorces end well or even start off good but it can be a better thing for everyone in the family depending on the situation.

Divorce can be negative causing alienation whether it is children losing their self-esteem, not being able to trust anyone, parent favoritism, or financial aid for college. Although I have not had to deal with my parents divorcing (and hopefully I won't have to) my Mom has gone through it and says that it is a very tough thing to go through. Children seem to lose their self-esteem due to the lack of relationship that they have with a parent. With this being said they are more likely to suffer and have more problems than other kids with both parents. The kids also start blaming themselves for the cause of the divorce. For not knowing and/or understanding the real reason, the result ending with additional stress put on the child. As children get older they tend to build a stronger bond with one or both parents. A friend of mine is going through a divorce with her parents and she says she is having trust issues with one of her parents.

Not being able to trust anyone causes them to not share their real feelings because they feel abandoned or alone with no one that they can talk to. When children have no one to talk to they can become harder to control because they don't know any other way to share their feelings.

Putting children in certain situations where they have to chose one parent over the other can be traumatizing. This can lead to the child being uncomfortable with being honest about their feelings because of the bad outcome it can have, such as; parent becoming upset because of what is said, not being able to see from the child's point of view. When parents separate the fund for college goes down most of the time because parents don't make as much money. Statistics show that about $1,800 less that the Mother provides and about $1,000 less that the Father supplies. With the money the student loses from the parents, it adds more stress to the individual leaving them to pay for college in any way they can find.

Divorce is hard for anyone to deal with but while the parents are trying to fix their problems they need to make sure they aren't too self-centered and pay more attention to their kids. Emotions are a big part of life especially when dealing with something so difficult such as divorce. Children seem to be insecure and afraid for what the future will bring them. Children of divorce question their future due to the instability they've experienced. Sadness has a big affect on how the children act and think. They may think that they will never have a real family again and that their way of life is at an end, for instance; my friend is always asking to talk because she says her life is such a disaster and she doesn't know what to do to fix it. If sadness goes on for too long it can lead to much stress and/or depression.

Anger plays a big part because if the child doesn't fully understand or agree with the divorce it can cause them to act up. When the children do not understand the circumstances of a divorce, it can lead to resentment. Being put under a lot of pressure causes them to do more than they need to do, such as; helping around the house rather than doing their homework. Children will hide their stress by always keeping themselves busy by helping with bigger responsibilities, getting involved at school, etc. Emotions are things that every person has, no matter what it is but sometimes kids need to talk to someone so they can express how they really feel about things rather than hiding them.

Before making the choice to divorce, the parents need to consider their children first as well as the long-term effects it may have on everyone involved.  Family counseling to understand and explain these effects should be something all families in a tough situation should consider. Divorce might be the easy way out for the parents but is an open door to tragedy inside the children's psychological and social health. I hope none of you have to go through something so difficult in your life whether it is your parents going through it or you and your spouse when you get older. The author is journalist at Teen Ink