Your normally well-behaved child, on entering adolescence, may now start showing teenage attitude problems. No matter how hard you try to handle any situation, she may now answer sullenly, give snide comments, have an indifferent attitude and the worst of all, may totally shut you out from her life by being uncommunicative and secretive. On top of all this, your teenage child might have a complete disregard of you, your principles, your opinions, and assume they know much better than you.
They also may hold you responsible for any minor setback in their life! You must admit and accept that your kid is now an almost-grown child stepping into adulthood. Everything is different and new for him or her. Your teenager now has emotions and feelings that he never experienced before. He is constantly trying to use and experiment his new found independence. Therefore there are few problems parents face with teenagers.
On the other hand, you are still looking at your teenager as a kid. He has been so dependent on you all this while, that you forgot that now he has grown on his own. Parents treat teenagers as kids and kids look at themselves as adults. This causes the friction.
How to deal with parenting problems with teenagers?
The gap between the two perceptions is the root of all the problems between teenager and parents. Right approach towards this issue can help parenting teenagers in relatively matured fashion.
Suddenly, your advice does not matter: I know, this sounds a little rude and harsh, but to your teenager, your advice may not matter any longer. Most teenagers face problems when their parents try and push things down forcefully.
Solution: Learn to face rejections. You may advice your kid on something but he may reject it outright. mDon't be disappointed because he has now his own preferences and likings. This behavior is perfectly normal. mIf you feel your teenager is going wrong, don't force. Sit and communicate clearly.
Your teenager makes his or her own decisions: You were once the most and the only important part of your child's life. He once was completely depended on you for his food, clothing, sleeping, activities and even friends. Today, he wants to make his own decisions and does not want you to interfere.
Solution: Yes, this can be a little difficult to accept initially. mBut even you grew into responsible independent individual years back. Now it's your teenager's turn. Respect and accept this fact. mBe frank and honest to both yourself and your teenager. Sit and talk things out.
Your teenager is developing new hobbies: All this while, all that your kid did was to play around the house with you. Now suddenly, he wants to stay out for parties and hang out till late. You even see your teenager wanting to try a hand at things like drinking.
Solution:While you must give him all the freedom, you must also set out clear rules about everything. mSet a limit for late night outings; tell him he can wait a little more before he starts drinking. mYou too had these phases in life. Let him enjoy the most of his teenage while monitoring good and bad habits.
Your teenager just doesn't see your point: This situation can feel a little overwhelming. You try hard to make your teenager see your point and stop him from doing something wrong. If you restrain them from doing something they feel disrespected. They want to do things their way which in your opinion is not the right way.
Solution: You must accept the fact that your teenager's opinion may differ from you completely. What may be wrong for you might turn out right for him. mYou two may have totally different views about certain things. In fact, you may even have absolutely different personalities from each other. mInstead of forcing your opinion onto him, simply monitor and supervise him at all times.
Ways to deal with teenage attitude problems: Teenage is a turbulent time and if you understand this and prepare to be patient and discreet, your job is half done. Read on below to know more on how to deal with teenagers attitude problems-
Ignore and wait: You, as parents, tend to instill certain behaviors in our child; rightly so, since parents are termed as the first teachers for a child. But if your teenaged kid simply shrugs or rolls his eyes at you, the best way to deal is to ignore his impertinence and go about your business as usual.
Nothing throws a rude teen off-balance than a calm and rational attitude! But yes, if she keeps making a habit of this, you should let her know that this behavior of hers' was pretty offensive and that you hope she will grow out of this phase soon.
Calmly handle misbehavior: You have lectured your teen a lot of times to not answer back in a rude way, but still nothing seems to change? You have to use a little bit of tact in this situation. Instead of lecturing very firmly, let her know that her misbehavior will not be tolerated. In case, she want to still misbehave then you will have to take certain action against her. Sometimes the kids don't mean to be rude, but they just get carried away. Once you let her know that you do not like it, they might stop repeating them.
Change your style: You may find your teen cross a line and if you really think that it is about time for her to realize her mistake, you are certainly right in giving her a punishment. But don't give her the regular punishments of being grounded or taking away her mobiles, these will just instigate her against you.
Instead, teach her a lesson where she will learn certain values; make her help you with your household chores or take her for a visit to an orphanage which will help her realize how lucky she is to have you and be more responsible.
Use humor: Any situation can be lightened when you inject some humor in it. You can either react with anger or react with mirth. Like it's said, laughter is the best medicine. So you can use humor to break a very intense argument which will also help you to look at the problem from each other's perspective. This will also help you both to cool off. But do not mock or ridicule, then that will just backfire and end up making things even worse.
Show appreciation: Even with us adults, appreciation is required from time to time to boost morale. Whenever your kid performs well in any task, always genuinely appreciate her. This will also let her see that you don't just nag her constantly but also appreciate her efforts. Don't fake or overdo your praise because she is smart enough to look through you. Be precise when you appreciate.
If your kid shows you her achievement, don't just say, congrats; enquire about how she came about achieving that and praise it point wise. All this, combined with other daily struggles of life, may seem a bit overwhelming to deal with but don't lose heart; where there is a will, there is a way! The tips given above, coupled with your willingness to be patient and understanding, will help deal with these issues. In time, everything will get sorted.
The writer is an online activist and contributor at ---------Twinkle Parekh
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