Published:  12:25 AM, 04 March 2019

The harbinger of America's change: reconfigured, Bernie Sanders!

The harbinger of America's change: reconfigured, Bernie Sanders!

Finally, a familiar face has veered past the media optics. Is this an omen, prophets had warned us about? Perhaps, this is something we have all been waiting for… all aboard now, for another enjoyable cruise on the new and improved ocean liner, USS Bernie Sanders. If you are not so familiar with this extraordinary vessel....well, it's like the luxury liner in

The Magic Christian, except catering to credulous American socialists, instead of the British filthy rich. Tickets start at just $27 dollars, a piece…so hurry, because they're going fast!

And that is good news, folks, Bernie is back, and this time it is not just a sadistic prank, where he got everyone fired up, about his concept of 'revolution', that had played with words, for fifteen months, got cheated out of the nomination, then backed whichever corporate-bought, candidate the Democratic Party ordered us to vote for.

No, this time the Bernster really means it! This time, when the Democratic National Congress (DNC) rigs the primaries to hand the nomination to Harris, or Biden, or some billionaire android like Michael Bloomberg, Bernie is not going to break your heart by refusing to run as an independent candidate, unbeholden to the corporations and oligarchs that own both political parties, or otherwise make you feel like a sucker for buying his 'revolution' schtick!

Bernie Sanders Is just not going to fold like a fifty dollar suit and start parroting whatever propaganda the corporate media will be mammoth spewing, to convince that the Russians and the Nazis are coming...unless you vote for the empire's pre-anointed puppet!

Bernie would never dream of doing that … or at least he would never dream of doing this twice, in a row.There are prescribed limits, after all, to people's ability of 'being a sucker'. It's not like you can just run the same con, with the same surreal message and the same fake messiah, over and over, and expect folks to fall for it, every time. If you could, well, that would be extremely depressing.

That would mean you could get folks to believe almost anything, or that we were stuck in some eternally recurring multi-dimensional reality loop. The next year and a half in American politics would play out like one of those Groundhog Day knock offs meets The Magic Christian!

An old movie The Usual Suspects, was directed by David Lynch, 1965. He was known to have been on 'acid'. We would be barraged by recycled Feel-the-Bern memes. Hacky sack shares would go through the roof. That creepy little bird would come fluttering back, land on Bernie's podium again, and chirp out "L'Internationale." People would start booking Tim Robbins for interviews. Ben & Jerry's would roll out another revolutionary flavor of Bernie ice cream … and in the end, it would all amount to nothing. Just zero!

And, that is not going to happen this time. No, this time, the U.S.S. Bernie Sanders is setting sail straight for 'Socialisrtasse', this time, it's really the Revolution! The end of global capitalism! And the best part of the whole deal is, you don't even have to take up arms, stage a series of wildcat strikes, blockade major highways, occupy airports, or otherwise cripple the U.S. economy … all you have to do is vote for Bernie!

See, that's the magic of electoral politics! The global capitalist ruling establishment, despite the fact that they own the banks and the corporations that own the government, which owns the military and intelligence services, and despite the fact that they own the media, and all essential industries, and channels of trade, and are relentlessly restructuring the entire planet (which they rule with almost total impunity) to conform to their soulless neoliberal ideology, and are more than happy to unleash their militarized goons on anyone who gets in their way … despite all that, if we elect Bernie president, they will have no choice but to peacefully surrender, and transform America into a socialist wonderland!

Sure, they won't be happy about it, but they will have no choice but to go along with whatever Bernie and his followers want, because that's how American democracy has always worked! We have seen it in action these last two years, since Donald Trump got elected president.

The establishment was not too thrilled about that, but they had to put aside their own selfish interests and respect the will of the American people … because imagine what might have happened if they had not?

For example, they might have concocted a story about Trump being a Russian intelligence asset, who was personally conspiring with Vladimir Putin to destroy the fabric of Western democracy so that 'Russia could take over the entire planet'.

They could have had, respected newspapers like The New York Times and The Washington Post and television networks like CNN and MSNBC disseminate this story, and subtly reinforce it in endless variations, on a daily basis for many years.

They could have appointed a special prosecutor to investigate the facts of their made-up story, and indict a bunch of unextraditable Russians and a handful of inveterate D.C. slimebags to make the whole thing look legitimate. At the same time, they could have had the media warn everybody, over and over, that Trump, in addition to being an alleged traitor, was also the suggested, second coming of Hitler, and was reportedly on the verge of torching the Capitol, declaring himself Führer, and rounding up the Jews.

They could have generated so much mass hysteria and Putin-Nazi paranoia that liberals would literally be seeing Russians and Nazis coming out of the woodwork!

Fortunately, the global capitalist establishment, out of respect for democracy and the American people, decided not to take that route. If Americans chose to elect a jabbering imbecile president, that was their right, and far be it from the empire to interfere. Tempting as it must have been to use all their power to demonize Trump(?), in order to teach the world what happens when you get elected president without their permission, they restrained themselves … and thank God for that!

I don't even want to contemplate the extent of the rage and cynicism they would have fomented among the public by doing those things I just outlined above. That might have left people with the false impression that their votes mean absolutely nothing, and that the entire American electoral system is just a simulation of democracy, and in reality they are living in a neo-feudalist, de facto global capitalist empire administrated by omnicidal money-worshipping human parasites that won't be satisfied until they've remade the whole of creation in their nihilistic image.

Thankfully, the ruling classes spared us all that, so now we can hop aboard the ocean liner USS Bernie Sanders, take another cruise with Cap'n Bernie! Considering how magnanimous they've been with Trump, once Bernie wins the election fair and square, the empire clearly won't have any problems with him nationalizing the American healthcare system, tripling taxes on the super-rich, subsidizing university education, and all that other cool socialism stuff. This the sane 'stuff', they mostly still have there in Europe, along with some semblance of cultural solidarity, although the global capitalists are working to fix that!

Oh, yes, and in case you're worried about Bernie backing the empire's ongoing regime change op in Venezuela, don't be. He's just playing 4D chess, like Obama did throughout his presidency, by pretending to do the empire's bidding while he actually went about the business of resurrecting hope and eradicating racism.

Bernie's just being sly like that! It might seem like he's aligning himself with mass murdering thugs like Elliot Abrams and sadistic ass freaks like Marco Rubio, but he is not. Not really, it's just an act. I mean, he has to get elected, doesn't he?How else are we going to get to Socialismstrasse? Let us say a prayer for Bernie's success ahead. Good luck, BS!

The writer is a former educator based in Chicago

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