Published:  12:51 AM, 15 August 2019

Person one

Person one

Eileen Lynch

If you don't hand back the form, you go to jail. You can't pretend you just forgot. I am going to be in big trouble, because I am not answering the door. The collector man was here yesterday as well, and I bet he is going to get tired walking up and down the steps to this apartment. I bet he will call the guards the next time.

Everything is half-boring, half-okay now. I watch TV. Later, when I go to bed, for a game, I try to remember the names of all the places I have lived before. The best way to remember is to say it quickly. Don't let too many breaths get in between the words.

There are ads on TV about the form. You have to fill it in so they know where to build schools and hospitals and look after old people and do you use your bike or your car? Some questions are easy: are you M or F, that means a man or a woman but I don't know why woman is an F. If they don't get all the forms back, they might end up building a hospital in a place where there are no sick people. Or all the old people will have to start school all over again.

I timed myself making dinner today. I was making beans and waffles. Waffles that go under the grill, not the oven ones. I gave myself 10 minutes, but it wasn't enough. I had to wipe up a lot of beans. Anyway, I was only doing it for a laugh. There was no audience to count down the last minute, like on the chef programme. There are no more waffles left now. There are still beans, but I am sick of them.

I am a bit angry and a bit sad. I think I am stressed out. Stressed out means your head is all over the place and you need some space. And no questions, no talking, leave me alone, just peace and quiet for five minutes, is that too much to ask? Sometimes it means lots of shouting, and sometimes it means very quiet. Sometimes it means going out for a while, won't be long.

He is knocking on the door again. I hold my breath when I open the door. It makes me look scary, like I'm going to explode. And if I get angry it won't be my fault. It will be his fault.

"Is your mum or dad in?" Go away, I say in an angry voice, but only in my head.

"Anyone else home?"

He is no good at his job. There is no Person Two here."I'm not doing the form. But I don't have to go to jail. I'm going to do house-arrest instead." That is one of the punishments on the judge programme.He says "You hold on to it for now. I'll come back later." Then he goes away too.


Eileen Lynch is an author

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