"My mom told me that once when I was 1, dad woke up because I was crying and beat me. Then when I was 5, I left my water bottle at school. I came home and fell asleep- dad woke me up, dragged me on the floor and beat me. I'd get a thrashing if I ever scored below 90%. Every Sunday, we'd revise my lessons, and he'd beat me if I stammered while answering. Mom never intervened. Grandma tried, but he pushed her onto the floor too. This went on till I was 13.
Then at 16, when I changed schools, I spent most of my time out of the house, so I thought life would get better.
But I was wrong. I'd travel by public bus to school, and men would rub their boners against me and grope me every other day. They'd run out before I could do anything. The same year, I was molested by my family doctor who started feeling my breasts under my bra, while claiming to check for congestion. I was furious and told mom about it. All she said was, 'You don't have to go there again.'
When I went to college, I was slut-shamed by my warden. She'd scream at me when I wore shorts and call me immoral in front of everyone. People started looking at me differently. This guy in my class even drew a penis in my book once.Through college, I was barely in touch with my parents. We spoke once in a while, but it was usually just a 30 second call. Eventually, my dad tried reconciling out of guilt. I've forgiven him, but I still don't feel comfortable around him.
Yes, I'm strong, but I do get triggered. I still get flashes of men groping me, my dad beating me, my doctor caressing my breasts. And even today, it's terrifying for me to go to a male doctor alone. It's tough on days, but I won't waste a single tear on them. They don't get to have that part of me. I have nothing to cry about- it's just not my shame."
Humans of Bombay, Fb
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