Published:  02:44 AM, 08 July 2020

Diner Sheshe

Diner Sheshe

"Our relationship was no normal one. He choked me, slapped and pushed me every other week. He once threw a cricket ball at my head because I advised him to not drop out of his PhD.

He'd accuse me of sleeping around, but sent sleazy texts to girls, and made me believe that I needed help for being insecure. Once I saw an email from a shopping website thinking he'd ordered a bag for me, but I saw that it was sent to another girl. He denied it, but I'd been cheated on before so I insisted that he tell me the truth. He refused and slapped me instead.

4 years into our relationship, I found out he was cheating. It wasn't just a small affair, he'd been seeing her since the beginning of our relationship. He decided to tell me about it over email in 2 lines saying it's over and he 'couldn't end it with the other girl.'

When I read it I was in disbelief. I prayed that he was joking. I frantically called him-his mom answered. She called me a 'Dayan' and asked me never to call him again. I was numb, and stopped talking to him. 3 months later, he asked me to come to his hometown so he could 'clarify any questions I had'- I refused.

So I tried calling them, but they ignored and cut my calls and texts. I waited outside that bar from 6 pm to 11 pm. I felt vulnerable and desperate-desperate to tell him, 'I didn't deserve this.' I cried all night. That was a turning point- I cut off all of them from my life.

6 months later, I found out he married the girl he was cheating on me with. It's been a year since but I still hate the thought of love and relationships. I have trust issues and I'm in therapy. I spend most of my time gardening, learning the violin or meeting friends. Recently, I adopted 3 cats.

Every time I think I'm ready for love, a voice in my head tells me, 'Forget it, you'll be cheated on again.' I'm just really trying to focus on being self-sufficient right now and doing my own thing. My life is a constant fluctuation between being hopeful about love, blocking thoughts relating to it. And that's okay, to not have that clarity. I'm just giving myself the time I deserve."    Humans of Bombay, Fb

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