All my life, I'd dreamt of becoming a mom. So you can imagine how happy my husband, Johannes, & I were the day we learned I was pregnant. A lot of people told me how life would change after the pregnancy but nobody told me about postpartum depression.
I remember a week before my delivery, the doctor said, 'We'll have to do a c-section.' thought, 'They're going to cut me open.' I was terrified. It took 2 hours & I was at the hospital for 2 days after that. On the 3rd day, I couldn't walk from the ward till my car. And what was worse was I couldn't sit in the car by myself. My husband helped.
Once we reached home, the pain worsened. It took me 30 mins to climb 3 flights of stairs. I was so tired. And because of the physical pain, my behavior also changed-I'd become irritable. I'd also become weak-I only held Kiara standing up for the 1st time when she was 4 weeks old.
This had become my life-there were so many other things that I was going through. I used to bleed, I couldn't lie down or sit & I'd forgotten what sleep felt like.
Through all of this, I'd begun asking, 'Am I a bad mom?' I couldn't change her clothes, couldn't hold her standing up, & I couldn't take her for walks alone. I thought, 'Everyone has kids. Why am I acting like this?' And even though my husband was supportive in the beginning, sometimes even he wouldn't understand what I was going through. I didn't feel heard & that wasn't a good feeling.
But when Kiara turned 7 months old, I remember I looked at her smile 1 day & thought, 'I have the privilege of having this baby. What is happening to me?' Looking at her made me realize-I have to do well; for us. And so I started to focus on myself again.
Humans of Bombay, Fb
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