The Path to Inner Peace and Resilience

In today’s fast-paced and comparison-driven world, the concept of "personal okayness" is a profound yet simple philosophy for navigating life with contentment and resilience. At its core, personal okayness is the belief that “I am an acceptable human being with the right to live and meet my needs, and so are you.” This perspective fosters self-acceptance, mutual respect, and healthier relationships, becoming a cornerstone for emotional well-being and personal growth. This is an interesting concept that I always include in my leadership and team-building training sessions. Occasionally, I also share it with others, particularly young professionals, to inspire and motivate them, where there is a situational need.

Understanding Personal Okayness

Personal okayness is more than just a fleeting emotion; it is an intrinsic state that acknowledges our inherent worth regardless of external circumstances. As like the Sun, ever-present behind clouds, our okayness should remain constant despite challenges. This idea runs counter to societal pressures that often equate self-worth with external validation, achievements, or comparison with others.

Whenever we interact with others—whether in personal, professional, or social contexts—we get four different positions regarding our sense of "okayness." This concept of the four life positions originates from Transactional Analysis, a psychological framework developed by Eric Berne. These positions are rooted in our fundamental beliefs about ourselves and others, and they deeply influence how we interact with the world and build relationships. Here's an expanded explanation of each position, their impacts, and why striving for the healthiest position can contribute to a better environment for everyone's success:

·    I am OK, you are not OK (I+U-) - This position reflects a sense of superiority and distrust toward others. Individuals operating from this stance often view themselves as better than or more competent than others and may feel justified in dismissing others' needs or opinions. This situation can lead to conflict, isolation, and a lack of collaboration. Can damages relationships as it fosters distrust and resentment. Not only that but also can creates a hierarchical, non-inclusive environment where others may feel undervalued or oppressed. It is matter because when people adopt this mindset, they miss out on the benefits of teamwork and diverse perspectives, which are essential for innovation and progress.

·    I am not OK, you are OK (I-U+)- Marked by self-doubt and feelings of inferiority, individuals in this position tend to undervalue themselves while overestimating others. They seek external validation and often avoid asserting their opinions or needs. This situation can lead to low self-esteem, dependency, and an inability to advocate for oneself. Can creates a power imbalance in relationships, often resulting in exploitation or burnout. Also, can hinders personal growth and contribution to shared goals. It is important because, recognizing one's self-worth is critical for building confidence, making meaningful contributions, and fostering equitable relationships.

·    I am not OK, you are not OK (I-U-) - This is the most pessimistic position, where individuals see themselves and others as fundamentally flawed. It is characterized by apathy, hopelessness, and disengagement. When we get this situation, results in passivity, negativity, and a lack of initiative. Creates toxic environments where growth, trust, and collaboration are absent. Besides this, stifles potential, both individually and collectively, as it discourages effort and innovation. It is not expected as moving away from this mindset is essential for overcoming defeatist attitudes and embracing life’s opportunities.

·    I am OK, you are OK (I+U+)- This is the healthiest and most balanced life position. It reflects mutual respect, optimism, and the belief that everyone has intrinsic worth. It embraces constructive conflict resolution and the potential for growth. This situation is ideal as it fosters trust, collaboration, and healthy relationships. Encourages individuals to recognize both their own value and the value of others. Moreover, creates a supportive and empowering environment that drives collective success. We need to ensure this position as this perspective is the foundation for thriving communities, organizations, and personal relationships. It promotes a culture of respect, inclusivity, and shared growth.

The "I am OK, you are OK" mindset embodies personal okayness by acknowledging imperfections in both ourselves and others without devaluing anyone’s inherent worth. It is a foundation for trust, collaboration, and harmony in all aspects of life.

Why Personal Okayness Matters
In a world obsessed with self-improvement and relentless productivity, personal okayness offers a refreshing pause. It allows us to embrace ourselves as we are, celebrating our strengths while accepting our imperfections. This balance reduces internal friction, alleviating anxiety, stress, and chronic dissatisfaction. Moreover, personal okayness enhances resilience. By anchoring our self-worth in an intrinsic sense of okayness rather than external factors, we develop the capacity to weather life’s uncertainties. Like a crumpled $100 bill that retains its value despite its condition, our worth remains intact regardless of circumstances. This understanding helps us navigate setbacks with grace and perspective.

Cultivating Personal Okayness

Embracing personal okayness requires intentional practices that shift our mindset and habits. Here are practical steps to nurture this state of being:

·    Self-Awareness Reflect on your thoughts and emotions. Are they driven by external pressures, or do they stem from a deeper belief in your inherent value? Journaling or mindfulness practices can help uncover and challenge limiting beliefs.

·    Mindfulness Stay present and observe your thoughts without judgment. Mindfulness fosters acceptance of who you are at this moment, countering the urge to measure yourself against unrealistic standards.

·    Gratitude Focus on life’s simple blessings. Practicing gratitude shifts your perspective, reinforcing the abundance and intrinsic worth already present in your life.

·    Challenge Negative Self-Talk Replace harsh internal criticisms with gentle affirmations. Remind yourself that mistakes and imperfections are part of being human and do not diminish your value.

·    Set Boundaries with Comparison Limit exposure to sources that fuel unhealthy comparisons. Instead, engage with content that inspires and uplifts you.

·    Celebrate Small Wins Recognize and appreciate daily achievements, no matter how minor. These moments of acknowledgment build a sense of self-worth and reinforce your okayness.

·    Self-Compassion Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. Embrace your flaws as elements of your unique humanity, deserving of love and respect.

·     Kindness Toward Others Extend the acknowledgment of okayness to those around you. Practicing empathy and compassion enhances interpersonal relationships and deepens your sense of connection.

The Broader Impact of Personal Okayness
The ripple effects of personal okayness extend beyond individual well-being. When we embrace our own okayness, we become less judgmental and more accepting of others. This shift fosters healthier communities, workplaces, and families, where collaboration and mutual respect thrive over competition and criticism. In professional settings, the "I am OK, you are OK" mindset enhances teamwork and innovation. Employees who feel valued and accepted are more engaged, creative, and productive. Similarly, in personal relationships, this philosophy strengthens bonds, creating environments of support and trust.

Anchoring Okayness in Daily Life
Life’s challenges can obscure our sense of okayness, but they cannot diminish it. Remember the metaphor of holding a glass of water—the longer you hold it, the heavier it feels. Acknowledge your problems, but don’t let them define you. Instead, let go when needed, trusting in your unshakable worth. Take inspiration from nature. Just as the Sun shines behind clouds, your personal okayness remains constant even during life’s storms. By cultivating gratitude, self-awareness, and compassion, you can anchor yourself in this enduring truth.

Conclusion
Personal okayness is a transformative philosophy that redefines how we see ourselves and others. It encourages us to step off the treadmill of perpetual self-improvement and into a space of self-acceptance and mutual respect. By embracing our intrinsic value and recognizing the same in others, we foster resilience, build stronger relationships, and contribute to a more compassionate world.As you navigate the complexities of modern life, pause and affirm: “I am okay right now.” This simple acknowledgment can serve as a powerful anchor, guiding you toward inner peace and authentic connection. By striving for the “I am OK, you are OK” position, we can collectively create environments where everyone has the opportunity to thrive and succeed.
 

Md. Abul Bashar is the Country Representative of a US based
International NGO located
in Dhaka, Bangladesh.