Published:  12:35 AM, 10 November 2017

Ways to pick yourself up after someone tears you down

 Ways to pick yourself  up after someone  tears you down

It's happened to the best of us: We've been told words that sting, handled experiences that crumple our self-esteem, and met people who let us down or left us feeling defeated.

To move past disappointment and hurt, try these tips -  Have empathy for the other party: Cruel words, destructive behavior and thoughtless actions all stem from a dark place in the other person. Recognize this, then forgive them.

Forgive yourself: If your confidence is down, you might beat yourself up for not being stronger, for the role you played in the toxic situation, or for choosing a relationship with someone who hurt you. Aim to understand the roots of your actions and forgive yourself. It's only human.

Identify a fear related to the lost confidence: When you do, take action to burst through it. For example, if someone said something derogatory about your body, that has left you afraid of going to the beach in a swimsuit, commit to going to the beach.

Decide whether the offending words or actions have merit: If you were fired for poor job performance, get real with yourself. If your work really was poor, own that. Take steps to improve, or decide on a career change.

You might also conclude that the firing was not warranted. If it wasn't, make a list of your professional successes such as happy clients and bosses, and focus on surrounding yourself with colleagues who appreciate your skills and work ethic.

Focus on your tribe: Whether they're friends, colleagues or family who believe in you, embrace these people and identify what they love about you. That is truth. Believe it.

The writer is a business journalist                              ------Emma Johnson

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