Ode to a father by his daughter

 

The fact that my friends are remembering my late father former Defence Secretary KM Ehsanul Haque with fond memories of a “cool uncle with charm, charisma, style and knowledge and always ready to meet us at our level”; the fact that my cousins are deeply moved by the loss of their favorite uncle who they see as kind, generous, handsome, easily approachable, friendly, laughing, happy and hospitable; the fact that family members are filled with grief over losing a selfless, genuine and pure hearted brother; a devoted husband and friend to my mother, and a loving and caring father and most trusted friend to me and my sister is testimony to the type of person he was and the sort of life he led.

He was a simple man with simple needs, no greed, no regrets, no ego, always happy and smiling, always helping others beyond his means and going out of his way to tend to guests and loved hosting people. It did not take much to make him happy - his needs were limited to seeking laughter and good company. He is remembered for his sense of fashion and style when it came to his clothing and more particularly, his hair. He led a full life Alhamdulillah surrounded by family, friends, and laughter which truly served as the best medicine as he led a healthy life overall. He treated everyone equally - young and old, rich and poor, close and distant. He could befriend even a stranger and make him feel at home. He is most remembered for his open, candid heart, his carefree laughter, his jovial mood, his kindness and generosity, his social and sociable nature, his simplicity, his righteousness and an over zealous sense of hospitality. My grandfather (my grandfather’s elder brother who helped raise him and his siblings) used to say, “Piyara (my dad’s nick name meaning the loved one) has a heart/mind that is washed in milk,” a metaphor referring to the purity and innocence of his heart, mind and character. He truly knew no evil. Tatum (my sister) and I addressed him as papa but so did most of my cousins born after me which is not only sweet but symbolic of a universal loving father figure. He was PAPA to all of us. I am who I am today because of papa and his teachings by example. If I inherit even an aorta of papa’s nature and character, I will consider myself the richest and most fortunate. He was a voracious reader with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge - after having read all the books in my library and Tatum’s, and all magazines and reading materials in his disposal, he would turn to the Oxford dictionary to learn about the roots and history of each word and significant people and events. Papa and I often had discussions over coffee about literature, religion, philosophy, world news, history, geography, current affairs - always listened to him in awe. He had many personal stories to share about his past revolving around friends and family and those were my favorites - his personal anecdotal accounts of events and even non-events.

I can never appreciate my mother enough to be by papa’s side for better and for worse for long 47 years, taking care of him and loving him. I graciously thank Allah for allowing papa a full happy life filled with fun, laughter and good memories. I pray to Him to grant him the highest place in heaven.

Tatum and I are the most fortunate to be his daughters. We have countless memories with him which we will cherish for years to come. We will try to embrace and live up to the values papa held closest to him. Papa, I stand by you in life, in death, and the hereafter. Once a friend from work told me, “it’s the quality of the journey that gives the destination its value.” Papa has had a quality journey - I am confident inshallah he is ready for his ultimate destination. Ameen.

During a brief period while he was in recovery in the hospital papa wrote in his own handwriting: “thank you” and signed his name. Of all the words in the world he chose to write this. The “thank you” will remain a symbolic mark of his heartfelt appreciation for everyone’s contribution in his life to make it as rich and meaningful as possible.

Papa, you are most welcome. And I speak for Tatum and me when I say it is a pleasure and an honor to be your daughter, to be cared by you, to be loved by you and most of all to take care of you.

The love of a daughter for her father is second to none. Daughters reach for their father's guiding hand their entire life. A father teaches his daughter how to love and be loved. Every daughter adds a little sparkle to her father's life. Bright daughters are raised by brilliant fathers. Dad, you raised me to be a strong woman. You made me a world full of love and for that I am grateful. Daughters and dads share one heart. The world turns on a father's love for his daughter.

Ordinary father-daughter love had a charge to it that generally was both permitted and indulged. There was just something so beautiful about the big father complementing the tiny girl. Bigness and tininess together at last—yet the bigness would never hurt the tininess! It respected it. In a world in which big always crushes tiny, you wanted to cry at the beauty of big being kind of and worshipful of and being humbled by tiny. You couldn’t help but think of your own father as you saw your little girl with hers. There’s something like a line of gold thread running through a man’s words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself.

K M Ehsanul Haque (Peyara), former Secretary of Ministry of Defence, Government of Bangladesh breathed his last in a hospital at Saint Louise in the United States from multiple complications on 9 May 2021. He was 76.

He joined Pakistan Taxation Service in 1969 and thereafter rose to the rank of Secretary to the Bangladesh government before his retirement in 2004, according to a media release issued by his family.

Mr Haque left behind his wife Najma, daughters – Tumpa and Tatum and a host of relatives and friends to mourn his death.

The writer is a US scholar and a columnist.