Published: 12:00 AM, 07 October 2026 Last Update: 12:00 AM, 07 October 2026
When We Smile at the Mirror, the Mirror Smiles Back (Part I)
Md. Abul Bashar
There is an old saying: “If mirrors revealed a person’s mind instead of their face, people would spend more time improving their character than beautifying their appearance.” Whether or not we have ever thought about it this way, the mirror has always been more than a piece of glass. Every morning, we stand before it and look at ourselves. We notice the tiredness around our eyes, a few grey hairs, a wrinkle that was not there before, dark circles, a change in weight, or simply a face that does not look as fresh as it once did. Yet the mirror does only one thing: it reflects. It does not judge us. It does not tell us whether we are beautiful or unattractive, successful or unsuccessful, young or old. It simply returns an image.
But human beings rarely look at a reflection without giving it meaning. The same face can make one person feel confident and another insecure. The same failure can make one person feel defeated and another determined to learn. The same criticism can feel like an insult to one person and an opportunity for growth to another. Perhaps, then, life is not only about what happens to us. It is also about the meaning we give to what happens to us. And that takes us from the mirror in front of us to another mirror the one we carry inside.
A man once complained to his Guru, “My employees, my wife, my children, and everyone around me are selfish. No one seems to be right. What should I do?” The Guru smiled and told him about a special room in a village filled with a thousand mirrors. One day, a little girl entered the room. She smiled, laughed, and played, and a thousand smiling faces smiled and played back at her. She left delighted, thinking it was the happiest place in the world. Later, a sad and angry man entered the same room. He saw thousands of sad and angry faces staring back at him. When he raised his hand to push them away, thousands of hands seemed to push him back. He left convinced that it was the worst place in the world. The Guru then said, “Life is much like that room. The world often reflects what we carry within us. When we approach people with kindness, trust and positivity, we are more likely to see kindness, trust and possibility around us. When we carry anger, suspicion and negativity, the same world can appear hostile.” The lesson is simple: how we see the world often shapes how the world appears to us. Before blaming the mirror, we should look at what we are bringing before it.
The Mirror We Carry Within
There is a popular idea known as the “mirror principle”: if we want to change the reflection, we cannot simply try to change the mirror. We must change what is standing in front of it. As a metaphor for life, the idea is powerful. We often spend enormous energy trying to change the reflection. When our career is not going well, we blame the organization, the economy or our colleagues. When a relationship becomes difficult, we want the other person to change. When people do not appreciate us, we want their opinions to change. When we fail, we blame circumstances.
Sometimes those explanations are completely justified. Life contains genuine inequalities, difficult circumstances, economic pressures, unfair systems and events beyond our control. Not everything that happens to us is caused by our mindset. But even when we cannot control the situation, there is another question worth asking: What part of this situation can I change within myself? Our thoughts influence how we interpret experiences. Our interpretations influence our behavior. Repeated behavior becomes habit, and habits influence our decisions. Over time, those decisions can change the direction of our lives. The mirror does not create the change. We do. But before we can change what we see, we must understand something even deeper: sometimes the image we are trying to protect is not even our own. It belongs to other people's expectations.
The Chicken and the Grain of Corn
There is a story often associated with the psychoanalytic tradition of Jacques Lacan. A man was terrified of chickens because he believed that he himself was a grain of corn and that the chickens would peck him to death. After months of treatment, he eventually became convinced that he was not a grain of corn but a human being. The doctors considered him ready to leave the hospital. As soon as he stepped outside, however, he saw a chicken. Terrified, he ran back inside.
The doctors reminded him, “But you know that you are not a grain of corn.” The man replied: “I know that I am not a grain of corn. But do the chickens know that?” Whether or not one takes the story as a literal account of Lacanian psychoanalysis, the metaphor is striking. How often do we live according to what we imagine other people think about us? What will they say? What will they think? Will they consider me successful? Will they think I have failed? Will they approve of my decision? Will they accept the person I have become? Sometimes we become so concerned with protecting our image in the eyes of others that we forget to live our own lives. We become the grain of corn not necessarily because we believe we are one, but because we are constantly afraid of the chickens. And once we spend too much time looking into other people's eyes, something else happens: we begin to lose sight of the person looking back at us in our own mirror.
The Face Behind the Mask
Imagine standing before a mirror one morning and, for a moment, not recognizing the person looking back. The eyebrows are tense. The jaw is tight. The eyes look exhausted. Who is this person? Perhaps it is not a stranger. Perhaps it is a mask we have been wearing for years. Many of us begin our mornings with an invisible conversation: I look tired. My hair is getting worse. I am getting old. I don't look good. I am already behind. I am not good enough.
We rarely notice how frequently we speak to ourselves in this language. Yet that silent conversation may accompany us throughout the day. Psychology commonly refers to this internal dialogue as self-talk. The way we talk to ourselves can influence how we interpret experiences, regulate emotions and respond to challenges. This does not mean that positive thinking can magically solve every problem. It cannot. The deeper point is simpler: the language we repeatedly use toward ourselves can influence the way we approach our lives. Consider the difference between two sentences: “I made a mistake.” And “I am a failure.” The first describes an event. The second turns an event into an identity. That difference may seem small, but it can change the way a person responds to the next challenge.
Md. Abul Bashar is Country
Representative, Bangladesh,
Community Partners
International (CPI).
