How to resolve trust issues in a relationship

A loving relationship can be a beautiful union of two people. To achieve this goal, there are several aspects within the relationship that need to function optimally. The most important aspect is trust.  Trust is built and maintained by many small actions over time.  If trust begins to falter, fear can take over, judgment can become clouded and doubt and suspicion may grow. For a happy relationship to work, the people involved must be able to trust each other. At the beginning of a relationship, things typically seem rosy and beautiful.

There is usually a lot of excitement and small transgressions are easily forgiven and set-aside.  Once you get past the initial infatuation, however, and the relationship begins to blossom, you truly begin to learn where the relationship is headed and a deep foundation of trust can begin to develop or diffuse.  Your subconscious will begin seeking answers to the questions:  Does this person honor what he says?  Is he open about his feelings, even the negative ones?  Do his actions communicate the same message as his words? 

The answers to these questions help you determine if it is safe to trust this person or not. When both people are honest, open and trustworthy, couples can easily grow confident in the path their relationship is on within a few weeks.  Within this trusting relationship, it becomes easy for them to decide what the future holds for them together.  Sometimes, unfortunately, when either one or both people in a relationship have a hard time opening their heart to trusting one another, it can grow very frustrating.  If there is genuine desire to build a loving relationship however, this frustration does not have to mean the end.  Every relationship hits a few roadblocks during its course. The key is to face these hurdles and work toward resolving them.

Trust issues in a relationship: A healthy relationship cannot grow without trust. Sometimes, previous life experiences can severely affect your ability to trust in other people. Sadly, many people have faced terrible disappointments in the form of heartbreaking betrayal. If you or your significant other are struggling with this issue, it is important that you work it out together.  Trust is something that has to be earned through trustworthy behavior. Words, gifts and promises do little to restore trust.

It is the consistent trustworthy actions that count. Mistrust can result in terrible side effects.  In an environment of mistrust, you may experience higher than normal levels of anxiety, self-doubt, and a severe lack of confidence.  This does not have to mean the end of your relationships, however.  You can learn to trust people again.  All you need to do is give them, and yourself, a chance. The first thing you should do is try identify why you or your partner have trust issues. In a kind and gentle way, you can ask "What things can I do to help me or my partner feel safer in our relationship?

Reasons why there are trust issues in your relationship: There may be several reasons why you or your partner has developed trust issues, and the key to recovering is to identify them. If you allow mistrust to fester, it can result in severe frustration and depression. This could result in you holding onto your partner, afraid that you'll lose them forever, which can inturn, create a toxic environment of clinginess and attempts to control.  Try to remain rational.  Ask yourself "Does my partner deserve my trust?" If you're not sure, ask others who know you and your partner and have spent time with you both. Perhaps you can confide in a trusted friend and by asking, "I'm having a hard time trusting my partner. Do you see anything that you think I may not see in this relationship?"

How can you resolve trust issues: If you or your partner has deep-seated insecurities and trust issues, it can be very destructive to your relationship. If your partner has doubts regarding your fidelity, you can face a tough time constantly trying to convince them of your loyalty. Here are a few steps you can take to help your partner overcome trust issues. If you are the one with the doubts, you could follow these as well.

Open up: One of the biggest factors that lead to insecurities in a relationship is the lack of communication. If you're asked a question about something, don't give vague answers or stick to one-liners. The key is to open up, have a conversation, and open channels of communication. Discuss your daily lives: Talk about what you did during your day and listen to what your partner did during theirs. It helps when you're both aware of what happened when you weren't around each other.

Discuss your secrets: Sharing secrets can bring two people closer together. The more you learn about your partner, the stronger your bond becomes. Express care: Shower your partner with reassurance and compliments. Remind them of how much they mean to you and how much you love them.

Introduce them to your friends: Introducing your partner to your inner circle of friends and let them feel like they belong. This helps them ease their insecurities regarding friends they may feel threatened by. Analyze things from their perspective: Be rational and put yourself in their shoes before you judge or lose your temper. Resolving trust issues and re-establishing a healthy trustworthy relationship does not happen overnight. Give it some time and work on building your relationship based on trust and commitment.

The writer is a licensed marriage and family therapist, The write-up has appeared at  www.marriage.com